Memories of Happier Days
by Cocoon02
Summary: Being in crystal stasis was a lonely existence... But even with Fang beside her, she felt so seperate from everyone she loved. Lightning, Snow, Sazh, and... Hope. Oh, goddess, how she missed him... Oneshot.


**Author's Note: **Here you go, Knight of lightning. :) You know what to do.

For this oneshot, listen to 'Memories of Happier Days' from the FF13 soundtrack.

* * *

Being in crystal stasis was a lonely existence. Even though she was asleep, she still had concious thought. When the crystal gave her dreams, dreams of her family, she could feel happy with them, she could feel sad, angry, tired. She could feel _them_. She could feel their hearts, just like she could feel her sister.

But even with Fang beside her, she felt so seperate from everyone she loved. Lightning, Snow, Sazh, and... Hope. Oh, goddess, how she missed him. She missed his gentle teasing. She missed the way he would clutch her wrist for stability. She missed his awkwardness, missed his smile. She even missed just standing beside him.

She missed him even more when she began to dream of him growing up.

* * *

_He was sixteen. The people of Cocoon were still getting used to Gran Pulse, but one thing that already been reestablished was the education system, so he was back in school. At his own insistence. His father had been against the idea, at least so soon after all that had happened. But he said that since none of his old friends would talk to him anymore, and the rest of the ex-l'Cie had their own lives, he needed something to keep him going. _

_He was trying to do his homework, but he couldn't focus. He figured it was his own fault, sitting by the window. He couldn't help looking up at Cocoon every few seconds. He eventually grew frusterated with himself and gave up. Openly staring, he gazed up at his old home, now crystal. But it wasn't his home that he missed, he actually preferred it on the world below, what he missed was one of the women holding up his old home..._

_"Vanille..." He whispered to himself._

* * *

Her heart clenched.

* * *

_"I don't know how long I can do this. Everyone else left me. You were the only one who... I never felt alone when I was with you." He buried his face in his hands._

_There was a knock on the door, "Hope?"_

_He looked up, "Yeah, Dad?"_

* * *

She wished she could do something. She could feel his heart, he truly felt alone. She wished she could let him know that she knew his pain. She wished... no. Wishing wasn't enough, she said it herself.

"I promise you, Hope." She thought, "I will find a way back to you."

* * *

_He was nineteen now, just like her. Maybe that was why, this year, he decided to go to the pillar. It had been exactly five years._

_He placed a gloved hand on the smooth crystal. He thought, just then, he thought... he thought he could hear her laugh. Her sweet, infectious laugh. He longed to see her so much that it hurt. Hot tears began to form in his ocean-colored eyes. Normally he would have fought them back, put on a mask. But not now, not here, not in front of her._

_"I can't do this anymore, Vanille." He said, tears flowing down his cheeks, "I haven't seen the others in five years. My dad... he's still mourning Mom. He hasn't been here in five years either, I think his spirit joined hers a long time ago." He shook his head, and took a shaky breath, "I can't do this!" He kept his hand on the pillar, but with the other, he pulled out a knife. He stared at it for a moment, turned it in his fingers, a shaft of sunlight glinted off of it into his eyes. He closed them, "I want you to know... I love you."_

_He opened his eyes, and watched himself turn the knife towards his chest. A few tears landed on the blade. If she would be nineteen forever, so would he._

* * *

"NO!" She thought at him desperately, "Don't do it!"

* * *

_He took a deep breath..._

_"HOPE!"_

_That voice... It sounded like..._

_Snow's large hands wrenched the knife out of his. He grabbed him by the shoulders, "What the _hell_ were you thinking?"_

_He just stared sadly at the older man. "What is wrong with you!?" Snow cried._

_"Lay off him, Snow."_

_Lightning..._

_She pushed Snow out of the way, and embraced her friend, "Hope... Were you really just going to throw your life away? What are you doing here?"_

_The tears flowed harder. His friends. Oh, goddess, "I-I wanted the last thing I saw to be Cocoon. I didn't think anyone else would be here." _

_"Are you kidding? We always come here." Sazh said. He felt his hair get ruffled, "Why didn't you ever come?"_

_"I-" He sobbed. His arms had hung slack at his sides, but now he wrapped them around Lightning as hers were around him. She hugged him tighter._

_Snow picked up the knife, "You were going to kill yourself? Right in front of Vanille and Fang? Why?"_

_Vanille... His legs bucked, and he and Lightning sunk to the ground. The soldier cradled him, "You miss her don't you? Vanille?" _

_He gasped, "I've been so alone..."_

_The other Farron sister knelt beside him, "I'm sorry..."_

_"We never meant to leave you, Hope." Lightning mumbled, "Things just got busy. Especially after the baby."_

_"Baby?"_

_"My kid." Snow said, "I told you, remember? I was gonna save Serah, and Cocoon, and have myself a big happy family." He joined his wife and sister on the ground, "I guess I should have realized that you are a part of that family, too."_

* * *

If she was physically able to cry, she would. It wasn't fair. Hope was the most wonderful person, why did life have to leave him so alone? To drive him to suicide? She thanked the goddess for their friends. For saving him. As she watched their friends embrace him, comfort him, all she wanted was to be there too. To put her arms around him again, to tell him that everything would be alright. But all she could do was watch.

* * *

_Lightning kept a hand on his shoulder as he dug a hole, buried the knife. They had come to an agreement. He would bury the knife, and with it, bury all desire to end his life. _

_As he finished, Lightning offered for him to go home with them for the night. He asked for a minute alone first. She was hesitant, but he just wanted to apologize to Vanille. She left, saying that if he wasn't with them in ten minutes she would come back._

_Alone again, he replaced his hand on the crystal, "I'm sorry. I just-" Tears began to form again, but this time he fought them, "I was so alone. It hurt to think, so I thought of you." He couldn't fight anymore, "I thought about your smile, about how, for some reason, you liked me from the get-go, or at least you tolerated me." He swallowed, "I thought about how you used to always try to make me feel better... and I wanted you back," His voice gave out for a moment, "I want you back. I need you, Vanille... I love you." He wiped at his eyes with his free hand, "I'm not going to live without hope anymore. I _will_ find a way to bring you back, Fang too. We won't have to focus on our old memories anymore, we'll make new ones. Happy ones."_

_"I promise." _

* * *

Her heart cried out for the boy who loved her, the one she loved. With all her heart she hoped he could bring her back. She wanted to stop watching memories, and start _living_ them. She wanted to make those memories he was talking about. She wanted him to tease her again, she wanted to chase after him again. She wanted to chase him until they collapsed and just lied there, looking up at the clouds. She wanted to laugh with him again. She wanted to cry with him again.

She wanted to make memories of happier days.


End file.
